You're dead. Deceased. Very much so. But alas, the pearly gates did not beckon you forth.
Instead you face an afterlife of eternal damnation in the depths of flaming pits and agonising loneliness.
But--lucky for you! Looks like you've managed to strike a deal and it only costs...your soul!
(Basically free money! Who needs a soul anyways!)
So take your pick and select any of Hell's finest inhabitants to be your everlasting companion!
Although, maybe beware the pointy teeth.
Oh--and no refunds!